Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
