I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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