Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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