i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well you can't waste a boner
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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