Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
