Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
