Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
