It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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