wrigley field is MILF paradise
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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