East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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