the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
