Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
