Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
