Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is classic penis vs brain.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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