i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
