Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
