I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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