he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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