Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
