just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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