I like my sex mixed with concussions.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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