Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
