got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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