I will die if light touches me.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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