dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
