We won't sleep together?
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
