Who did Billy Mays play for?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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