Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
