What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
