Yo dont text me then not text me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
