I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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