I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
