you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So. Much. Porn.
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