its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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