Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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