Can i not drive my cunt home
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
smell my finger.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
