So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
