I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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