There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
