Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
