also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
