Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
