i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
