remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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