Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
