I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't deserve a penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
