We're like a lot better than the average bears
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
