rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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