I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
