I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
