I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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