dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
