she was so not down for the gang bang
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
