All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
